


Mine Is Bigger

by sodenoshirayuki_23



Category: Joker Game (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crack, Humour, M/M, Meme Lord Kaminaga, Roast Master Jitsui, Roasted Miyoshi, Roasted Sakuma, Roasted everyone tbh, Spie bois hanging out and comparing their sizes, Swearing and sexual stuff, You Have Been Warned, im crying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-26
Updated: 2016-11-26
Packaged: 2018-09-02 03:59:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8650543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sodenoshirayuki_23/pseuds/sodenoshirayuki_23
Summary: The spies check on whose thing is bigger.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Read at your own risk.
> 
> This resulted from a joke me and my friends started.
> 
> Unbetaed so expect typographical and grammatical errors.
> 
> Setting is different, they get assigned to their second mission/task and no one died. Why? Because why not.

Kaminaga lazily sits on his favorite spot in the cafeteria, randomly whistling a tune from memory.

 

Hatano, who's sitting right across the taller male, clicks his tongue in annoyance. "Will you shut the fuck up?"

 

"Be more nice asking, my child." Kaminaga smirks, and Hatano had the urge to slam him in a not so gentle manner on the floor right there and then. Though he can't do that as the man will be away on his second mission soon and any injuries can't be afforded. Amari,  the usual peacekeeper is out on his new mission too.

 

"Will you please shut the fuck up then?" Corrects Hatano, "Your tune is--"

 

"Terrible." 

 

"Alas! The most deadliest and prettiest spy has arrived!" Kaminaga dramatically states that it earns a sigh from the newcomer.

 

"I'm greatly surprised you've survived up until now, Kaminaga." Says Miyoshi before gracefully taking a seat beside Hatano.

 

The mentioned man coughs exaggerately, "Coughs, you still haven't repayed me because I helped you on your last mission. Coughs, that was a fucking close call. Coughs, you owe me big."

 

That earned an unwanted atmosphere from the other two men, as no one would want to remember how they almost lost their "spy brother".

 

"Sorry," Kaminaga immediately retracts, sounding and looking truthfully apologetic. "I was worried big time then, too."

 

Miyoshi gives him a shrug, "That's fine. It's true anyway." The narcissist stands up and heads towards the door.

 

 

The awkward silence he caused made Kaminaga force his mind to lighten the situation and perhaps to stop Miyoshi from leaving in a bad way.

 

"Miyoshi, where are you going?"

 

The addressed man halts to smirk at him. "Does my presence excite you so much to the point of missing me just before I leave?"

 

Kaminaga blinks, before playing along wearing his pouting demeanor. "Yes, babe. I missed you so much since you left me hanging. I want more of you." Then he made a kissing pouty lips.

 

 

Disgust and disbelief filled Hatano's whole being instantly. 

 

Miyoshi frowns, "I'm just going to the bathroom. Do you want to come?"

 

"Cum? Yeah?"  Kaminaga innocently tilts his head to the side.

 

Miyoshi resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Thus, he rephrases, "Would you like to go with me, Kaminaga-san?"

 

"Excluding your forced honorific, I'll go." The latter cheerfully stands up from his seat. Just then, Odagiri, accompanied by Fukumoto enters the room. A second after, Jitsui promptly follows suite.

 

Something clicked on Kaminaga's mind, and Hatano furrowed his eyebrows as he knows it's probably something stupid again.

 

Kaminaga stretches his hands upward, before loudly asking with a wide grin,

 

 

"Hey, have you guys ever thought whose dick is the biggest?"

 

 

Miyoshi makes the loudest, most obvious and most exaggerated sigh ever recorded in history.

 

 

••••

 

After a series of "I can't believe we're doing this" , "Are you guys serious" and "I'm actually fine with it" dialogue by the spies, they eventually headed towards the god forsaken bathroom.

 

 

 "Ta-dun! This is my pride, my dignity and my grace!" Kaminaga shows his thing to the others, before zipping it right back.

 

 

 

"Being a prideful person, I never thought you had a such a small pride, Kaminaga." Starts Jitsui, which elicited snickers and laughs from others. Hatano isn't hiding it at all, the little guy's laughing obviously to mock Kaminaga.

 

"Well, Miyoshi should know." Snickers Hatano between his amusement.

 

Miyoshi seemed affected for less than a second or three, but he knows very well how to throw a comeback.  Albeit hiding his own annoyance, without further ado, Miyoshi gives a knowing smile to him in return, "Jitsui, just how big is Hatano's?"

 

That made Hatano turn his laughs the other way around, and into an annoyed frown.

 

Jitsui shrugs, closing his eyes. "Not that big."

 

Hatano snaps his head to face Jitsui, the overly fast pace that could have caused a whipslash on the former made Miyoshi snort. 

 

"Oh yeah!? It's big for my age!" Shouts Hatano, which earned giggles from the crowd.

"Yeah, for age six." Says Kaminaga.

Hatano's unforseen red face perfectly mirrors his sheepish state. 

 

Miyoshi places him in the shame corner more. "Is that so? Mind showing it to us? Not that I would want to fancy children's mini sizes."

 

A couple of childish growls and playful smirks exchanged, Hatano finally blurts out proudly (and begrudgingly). "Fine!"

 

And down his pants go. 

 

 

 

Nobody said a word. 

 

 

Aside from a forced hidden giggle from Kaminaga, and another mocking smile from Miyoshi, one unanticipating member lets out a choked laugh.

 

Unlucky for him, everyone's attention turns to him. 

 

It's Odagiri. 

Earning calculating eyes from fellow spies, He regrets even expressing his amusement one bit, for all attention is transferred to him straightaway.

 

Staring at the doorway, Odagiri thinks of ways to possibly escape. Unfortunately, that was a very, very big mistake and he knew that the moment Kaminaga and Hatano wears their signature "do it" faces you see in cliche situations where friends forces innocent teens to commit vaping and drugs.

 

Miyoshi merely shakes his head at how indecent the other two spies can act. 

 

Repeatedly shaking his head like his life depends on it, Odagiri attempts at shooing the two cunning spies.

 

Though in a blink of an eye, his pants too, are down and the thing is shown to everyone.

 

"Meh," Depends Hatano. "Average." 

 

Odagiri cusses and glares at playboy and the shortboy before bringing his pants back up. Although mortified,  he exits the room without any other word.  Fukumoto is about to follow him,  though Jitsui stopped on his tracks. 

 

"Not before you prove to us if your size justifies your height."

 

Fukumoto remains stoic for a minute or so, and then retreats his pants forthwith. 

Kaminaga whistles, releasing the totally not gay sound of bewilderment. 

 

 

Realizing he has done his job,  Fukumoto exits the room too. 

"That's fucking enormous,  man."

 

Hatano sends disbelief and disgust towards Kaminaga's way.  "Really? You're targeting Fukumoto now too?"

 

"Nah," Kaminaga nonchalantly states,  "He's Odagiri's. I wouldn't take something that isn't mine.." Briefly sending a snort towards Miyoshi,  ".. anymore."

 

"Awkward." Comments Jitsui.  

 

"Well," Miyoshi obviously ignores Kaminaga's words,  "Fukumoto's size justifies his height yes. It fits his build." He turns to Hatano again,  "Oh,  yours is justified too,  Hatano."

 

Hiding his own embarassment, Hatano tries to instantly tease the narcissist too. "Oh yeah?"

 

Miyoshi's face remains still yet anticipating another sour remark from the shorter spy.

"I bet yours isn't that fancy either, Miyoshi."

 

Just in time, Sakuma enters the place. 

 

 

Silence. 

 

 

Hatano wears his biggest shit-eating grin. "Ohh, right. Sakuma should know now, perhaps?"

 

A bewildered look from the lieutenant came as a reply to the amused crowd. Miyoshi on the other hand, is unexpectedly looking away. 

 

"Ooo, what's this?" Kaminaga interrupts.

 

"Sakuma-san." Jitsui steps forward, alarming the addressed man. "I have a very important question."

 

Sakuma shrugs, though seeming confused, and somehow slightly afraid. "What is it?"

 

 

 

"How big is Miyoshi's dick?"

 

 

It seems time froze for everyone, waiting for the lieutenant's answer. 

 

Sakuma's face immediately contorts in an embarassed and absolute betrayal of the mentioned "important question". His whole expression screams of "Why did I even allowed him to ask!?"

 

"W-what a--" He tried.

 

"Don't lie. I have evidences." Smiles Jitsui innocently.

 

"I- We- Our- We haven't gone that far yet!" Squeals the lieutenant.

 

 

"Yet." Jitsui repeats, turning to the somehow now out of character and timid Miyoshi. He continues, "I guess that's just for Sakuma-san to find out. You will let that go, right,  Hatano?"

 

Instead of edging further,  Hatano meekly nods and regrettably agrees. Everyone lets the topic of Miyoshi's size go.  

 

 

But not Sakuma's. 

 

"Lieutenant." Jitsui's lone voice and soft touch on his right shoulder sounded like a threat and Sakuma knew of his coming doom.

 

"Just how different are spies from the military police?"

 

 

"I don't know what you're trying to say nor do I want to know what it is." Replies Sakuma.  

 

"Lieutenant." This time,  it's spoken with more intonation, the touch empowered with a slight and gentle squeeze yet he knew better. Sakuma resisted the urge to gulp,  yet Jitsui's piercing angel eyes isn't going to stop. 

 

"I guess I have to-" Sakuma reaches for his crotch--

 

 

When suddenly,  he felt the absence of the shorter spy's hand and all he saw is Jitsui and Miyoshi facing each other. The latter's hand on Jitsui's left shoulder. 

 

With the smile Sakuma saw Miyoshi wear lots of times,  though this one seems different,  he heard the narcissist speak.  "Jitsui-san,  don't you think this much forcing isn't needed?"

 

The sadist actually steps away from Sakuma,  much to his surprise. 

"Indeed,  Miyoshi-san. Although is your reaction such as this needed too?" Another one of his childlike features shows up.

 

Miyoshi keeps his smile plastered and so did Jitsui.

 

Hatano plus Kaminaga sensed this isn't good. 

Kaminaga steps up,  laughing. 

"Yeah,  come on Jitsui, it isn't necessary to push him further because of this little fun we already had."

 

"Yeah,  it's gotten boring." Hatano adds. 

 

 

"I'll show it!" Sakuma exclaims, all eyes turned to him without any hesitation. 

 

After all,  it's the moment of revelation and glory.

 

 

 

 

 

 

"HOLY SHIT!" 

 

"What the fuck!?!!??!?!" Hatano's string of curses and denial rhymes with Kaminaga's muses of amazement. 

"...." 

 

A few more blinks of an eye and they were nothing but confused when Jitsui chuckles,

"Oho? That big? I've never seen anything bigger from others." Jitsui looked amused

 

It took a moment for the four men to notice how Miyoshi's eyes are practically glued to it. His lips forming a wide "o" shape. 

 

"Uhh,  Miyoshi?" Sakuma awkwardly begins talking,  and that's all it took for Miyoshi to snap back. 

 

"I'm sorry,  Lieutenant. That was just..." Miyoshi albeit wearing a calm exterior, seemed a bit too calm with that smile of his.  "Please excuse me, gentlemen."

 

Sakuma brings his thing back to where it belonged before excusing himself from the three too. 

 

 

"Whatashow." Kaminaga will be out on a laughing fit any minute now it seems. 

 

 

"True. We had enough,  though it is fun to finally see Miyoshi-san take an action." Jitsui chuckles and it's enough to make the two men get confused.

 

"Oi," Jitsui,"  Hatano uncomfortably looks away.  "You had your fun.  Let's grab something to eat now.  Fukumoto's probably cooking." 

 

"Eh?" Jitsui teases,  "But I haven't shown mine yet,  did I?"

 

 

Hatano's face went too red for Kaminaga to not notice,  "Shut up! I already--"

 

And thus it is too late to take back what he said.

 

It's now Kaminaga's turn to be a smug bastard. "Oh? You already--?"

 

"Enough!" The shorter spy scowls at him.

 

"I don't really mind. Hatano hasn't seen mine because we do it with blindfold so  he just always feel it." Jitsui makes his way towards the urinal,  Hatano and Kaminaga peeks.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"...."

 

 

 

"......."

 

 

 

 

A moment later,  the place is field with curses and laughter. 

 

 

"Holy crap,  damn!  Jitsui!  That's HUGE.  extremely HUGE!"

 

"What the fuck!?  What the hell!?! How is that possible!?  You're just a little taller than me and? What in fucking word? Shit? I can't! I knew it was big but I didn't anticipate it to be THAT big! How fucking unfair can that be!?"

 

"Hahaha!  Ji-Jitsui!  That can't even compare to Hatano's length--ugh! Oh shit! I have a-blurgh- mission!  Remember our motto-ack! Don't kill me- urgh! " 

 

 

 

 

Jitsui exits the room and heads towards the kitchen,  with _a proud, big, firm and thick_ smile on his lips. 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Miyoshi pls c:
> 
> Thank you for reading! 
> 
> Comments are well appreciated!


End file.
